How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize