i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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