apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
whose parrot is this?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize