# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
