I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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