we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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