i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
