went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
