She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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