I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She needs sedatives and a leash
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
that may or may not have been my penis.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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