god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
