dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
