so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
