Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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