I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
