my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Quick, to the slutcave!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
