I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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