i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
