Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize