The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
