I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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