garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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