my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
