hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
3 2 1 whiskey
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
