By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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