I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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