We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
