Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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