My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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