people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
