Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish I only lived at night.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
