Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I didn't notice because vodka
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
