so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
