perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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