why didn't you poke me back
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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