So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
