if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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