So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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