My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
