God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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