I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
