and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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