I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
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let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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