yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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