Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
