we made out on top of his cat.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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