I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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