he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
