I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize