I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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