she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you had me at cake vodka
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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