we have officially lost it.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
