I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You are a genius and a whore.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
