He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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