The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
