My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
