If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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