have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
