Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
