They should really pass out barf bags in church
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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