Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I want to be your penis for a week.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
