We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
