He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
