I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
