well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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