Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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