I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
