her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
